“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. Its what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Virginia Satir
Last night I couldn’t sleep. I spent 3 hours trying to get my mind to slow down. Frustrated, I finally got up at 2:30a.m. The long shower I was able to take was glorious. There was no fear of running out of hot water before the next person was to shower. When I do this at ungodly hours of the morning I am not allowed to blow-dry my hair – it would seem that I wake people up – go figure. So with wet hair on a cold morning, I went downstairs to write.
As I descended the stairs in pitch dark I felt safe because I was holding onto the walls for spatial reference. I become more comfortable and confidence each time I have to walk in the dark. Last night when I had to let go and travel across the room, I was amazed that Iinstinctively knew where the obstacles were and was able get from point A to point B without banging up my shins.
This was a great victory because it is so rare for me. I have broken one toe or another at least 15 times over the years, primarily by kicking stationary things that suddenly jump out in front of me. (Most recently I tried to move our sleigh bed with my toe.)
I am settling into life in a new house and community. Navigating my personal spaces is a top priority. I am becoming less anxious and feel safer here with each positive experience. I have fewer bumps and bruises each time I trust and believe instead of my habit of second guessing myself. I am improving my sight.
I thought about all the times I have walked in emotional darkness. On more occasions than I care to remember I have stubbed my emotional toe and banged mental shins against the unyielding obstacles of life. There have also been times when I had figured out the lay of the land and have been able to navigate the darkness on my own.
Life is infinitely easier when I don’t have to cross the rooms of doubt and fear by myself. My support system acts as the walls that I can hang onto as I traverse a space that scares me. I am not alone as I grow more and more confident of my route. Though inevitably I have to let go of the walls, my supporters know where the light switches are.