Walking in The Light of Support

Last night I couldn’t sleep.  I spent 3 hours trying to get my mind to slow down.  Frustrated, I finally got up at 2:30a.m.  The long shower I was able to take was glorious.  There was no fear of running out of hot water before the next person was to shower.  When I do this at ungodly hours of the morning I am not allowed to blow-dry my hair – it wouldseem that I wake people up – go figure.  So with wet hair on a cold morning, I went downstairs to write.

As I descended the stairs in pitch dark I had to keep my hand on the wall.   When I had to  let go and travel across the room, I was amazed that I instinctively knew where the  obstacles were and was able get from point A to point B without banging up my shins.

This was a great victory because it is so rare for me.  I have broken my toes at least 15 times over the years, primarily by kicking stationary things that suddenly jump out in front of me.  (Most recently I tried to move our sleigh bed with my toe.)   I am becomingmore comfortable and safe, with fewer bumps and bruises, as I settle into life in a new house.

I thought about all the times I have walked in emotional darkness.  On more occasions than I care to remember I have stubbed my emotional toe and banged mental shins against the unyielding obstacles of life.  There have also been times when I had figured out the lay of the land and have been able to navigate the darkness on my own.

Life is infinitely easier when I don’t have to cross the rooms of doubt and fear by myself.  My support system acts as the walls that I can hang onto as I traverse a space that scares me.  I am not alone as I grow more and more confident of my route.  Though inevitably I have to let go of the wall, my supporters know where the light switches are.

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